Hey Man, What's the Plan? What was that you said?

There are many approaches to weight loss. There is no one method that works for everybody. I have tried many of these methods over the course of 40 or so years. They ranged from pills to prepackaged, pre-portioned meals to full on gastric bypass surgery. Each has had varying degrees of success. I mentioned in a previous post that a couple of times I've managed to lose over 100 pounds. The most recent of those was gastric bypass surgery. This surgery has a failure rate of 20 to 35%. Ah, what fun is it being in the majority anyway?

Many years ago, a company that now is on TV and the Internet had actual brick and mortar weight loss centers. Nutrisystem is the other really successful plan that I've been on. As I recall, the food was horrible and there was never enough. I believe the reason I was successful there was my motivation for losing weight at that time. There was a job that I really wanted and I thought I would have for the rest of my days and I needed to lose the weight to get it.

That job was building submarines in Groton, Connecticut. It was a great job right up until the Cold War ended. Then they sent all us Texans back home again. Oh well. Of course, when I no longer had eight to 10 hours of daily activity, and still had the same appetite - back came the weight.

So what will it be this time? As I've mentioned, I've been picking and choosing different bits and pieces from various plans in hopes that I might hit on something that will work for me. The food portion of the plan will be a version of what's been called the supermarket diet. Now, I realize that most diets have ingredients that come from the supermarket. Please keep in mind that I did not name this diet plan. Basically, it consists of frozen entrées. You've seen them. They're all over the place. Lean Cuisine, Smart Ones, Healthy Choice.

Some taste better than others. Some are healthier than others. Some are outrageously expensive. Kashi will not be on the list very often. Mostly, the entrées will be Healthy Choice, the ones in the green box, because the word “healthy” actually has a meaning defined by the FDA. There are limits on total fat, saturated fat, cholesterol and sodium. You can slap Lean or Smart on just about anything you want without running afoul of government guidelines. Certainly those other two products will be included in my overall plan they will just require a little more label scrutiny.

Another element of any successful lifestyle change/weight loss plan has to do with physical activity. Yes, I am going to have to get my fat ass up off the couch and moving. Okay, in truth, I basically have no ass at all, but you get my drift. According to all the medical experts, I'd be better off if I did have a big fat ass rather than having the extra girth around my midsection. Junk in the trunk beats a beer belly.

I've co-opted some ideas for exercise from the 5-factor diet. As I understand it, this may be similar to the routine at Curves. Basically, it will be a five minute high intensity cardio warm-up to get my heart rate in the target range, followed by working with dumbbells on a couple of different muscle groups each day and briefly concentrating on core exercises. This will be followed by a five to 30 minute long cardio cool-down such as walking the dog or going for a bike ride.

My medical practitioner doesn't really approve, but he's all for me doing something. He's of the opinion that the long walk/run/swim/bike ride is the way to go. My thoughts are with the folks who think that this shorter, more intense workout, which actually builds more muscle, will promote a higher metabolism rate throughout the day and be a better option. Of course, my opinion is subject to change the first time I pull a muscle or drop a dumbbell on my foot. And I'd be happy to get my exercise by swimming. If anybody out there has a pool they are willing to share, please e-mail.

A Word About Typhus, er, Typos

My past experiences with blogging have not always proven terribly successful. One reason for that is that I never learned to type. I hunt and I peck. Usually, I manage to put out something fairly readable. But this is the main problem with me blogging for any sustained length of time. I just don't like to sit and type.

In the hopes of being able to create more without having to pound the keyboard, I took advantage of the demise of Circuit City to acquire program called Dragon Naturally Speaking. So far it has done a good job converting speech to text. I probably have grown to trust it more than I should. So there will be errors in my posts that I will catch and errors that I won't. For example, I might say “yet” and the program might think I said “it.” I'll proofread everything before I post it, but it's hard to proof your own work, because you know what you meant to say and your mind will often read what you thought you wrote. At least mine will.

Just another way that I've been fooling myself for all these years.

Happy Funnel Cake Season!!!

So, how are we going to pull this off now that it's festival season? Mardi Gras has come and gone, and the Nederland Heritage Festival starts tomorrow. And in a really odd twist, thanks to the recent hurricane activity, the South Texas State Fair is coming in Spring this year.

These events and others that I haven't found out about yet, attract me with the opportunity to people watch and take some pictures. Of course, once they get me there with that they spring the trap with their deep-fried delicacies.

If you can jam a stick in it, dunk it in funnel cake batter and throw it in a tub of boiling lard, you can certainly sell it for five dollars at the Fair. More if you dust it with powdered sugar.

A trip to Port Arthur's Mardi Gras has provided a little insight into one way we may be able to control the number of calories we take in at this year's festivals – economics. I don't know when turkey legs got to be seven dollars apiece, but if you ever seen me with a seven dollar turkey leg, please grab it and beat me severely about the head and shoulders.

Episode IV: A New Hope

To all of you, my dear Internet friends, I extend an invitation: Please join me on my new blog as I endeavor (once again) to reduce my weight by one third. I'll be saying goodbye to Golden Corral, farewell to Frankie's, sayonara to Sonic and adios to Acapulco!

Oh, it won't be easy. In fact, it may not even be possible. But isn't that the fun of it? Not knowing what's in store…not being sure whether you get to root me on to my goal or make fun of me as I fail miserably. Over the years I've done both. Which is it going to be this time?

I've got a pretty positive outlook on at this time around. From past experience, that accounts for a good bit. Of course, I have the knowledge I need and all the necessary tools are at my disposal.

I have no plans to follow a plan. At least, not a specific plan. I've borrowed bits and pieces from many of the available diets and attempted to roll them into something that I can live with.

That's the key; finding something that you can live with. As far back as I can remember, I've not had much trouble losing weight. The problem has been keeping it off for any significant length of time. At least twice in my adult life I've managed to lose over 100 pounds. Each of those times, of course, I've managed to find those hundred plus pounds again.

I don't recall consciously looking for them, but I feel that subconsciously I probably was. You see, I've always been big. It's always been a part of how I see myself. Growing up, I was the fat kid. Grown up, I still am.

Through the years I've enjoyed various substances and activities, any number of which could've left me dead. And for that matter, a couple of them still might even though I kicked the habit long ago. I suppose I never really expected to live to the ripe old age of 50 (or 49 ½, so far). If I had, maybe I would've taken better care of myself. I guess it never hurts to hedge your bets.

So, at this late date I find myself embarking on a long strange trip in an effort to see how far past the half-century mark I can actually make it. It will certainly be a lifestyle change; a commitment to enjoy the finer things in life and the funner things in life, but to balance these things with the things that will provide a better life.

And now, just for you, I will reveal the secrets that I will use to accomplish this monumental task:

· Eat Less

· Eat Better

· Exercise

· Repeat

There you have it in a nutshell. Unfortunately, that's the only part of the nut I can eat. Someday soon, I will stretch those four points in that bullet list into a bestseller. In the meantime, wish me luck. Good luck or bad luck, I'll take it all. Whatever will make it the most fun for you will make it the most fun for me.

For those of you scoring at home, I'm starting out half way to pure evil. My starting weight is 333. My goal weight is 222. One third less of me to love or hate or like or be completely apathetic toward.